


What Do You Call This Feeling

by JacksMedullaOblongata



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Bones is a mess, Fake Relationship, M/M, Spock is oblivious to everything, and it frustrates the hell out of bones, bisexual Bones, dormant feelings coming out like chestburster from alien, gonna fall in love painfully, headcanon pan spock, idk anything abt vulcan sexuality so, one-sided bones to spock, sorry if it offends anyone, spock is hilariously emotionless, spones - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-13 11:28:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11184168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JacksMedullaOblongata/pseuds/JacksMedullaOblongata
Summary: Uhura has had it with Spock and is through with him. The only person of expertise Spock can go to is one Leonard McCoy and the Vulcan has an experiment devised to get Uhura back. The only problem is, it involves Bones.





	1. An Idea

**Author's Note:**

> I watched Beyond and got a wave of Spones back in my life. Enjoy! Updates may be irregular due to exams but I hope to keep writing! 
> 
> Each chapter will have quotes / lyrics (which I don't own copyright of) at the start.

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_I didn't expect_   
_To slip_   
_I didn't expect_   
_My reason lost my grip_

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The door to Bones’s quarters hissed open. He looked up and barely registered a straight black fringe as he waved a hand.

“The hell’re you doin’ here? Get out.” 

“Excuse me, doctor, but I was unaware I was so unwelcome,” Spock replied. Still, he didn’t move. Bones rolled his eyes, keeping his attention on the paper he was trying to edit. In his periphery, the Vulcan still stood. It was a long three minutes before he caved. 

“What?” Bones snapped, turning. Spock arched an eyebrow at his tone. 

“I was wondering if you and I could discuss a private matter,” he said cryptically. Bones stood slowly, fixing Spock with a hard stare. 

“What’ve you done, Spock?” he asked. The Vulcan said nothing. Bones crossed his arms. “Accidentally lost your spare pair of uniform? Misplaced your comb? Killed someone’s space dog?” 

“None of the scenarios would warrant me coming to you specifically, doctor,” Spock said, not getting the sarcasm. Bones snorted softly. 

“Yeah, of course. You’d run off to Jim, let’s be honest.” 

“I like to think we all would.” 

Bones paused. Okay, it was true, but damn him if he admitted it. 

“So what’s this problem?” he asked, following Spock out and down the corridor. Spock didn’t slow his pace, not even as Bones had to stop behind a troop of creatures he had forgotten the name of. After they had passed, he had to jog to catch up with Spock, finding the Vulcan waiting outside his own quarters. Bones eyed the door. 

“This isn’t some weird plot you got planned, right?” he asked as the door opened. “It’s not my birthday. You got a surprise planned, it’s the wrong time of year, pal.” 

“I do not have a party planned, doctor,” Spock said. He waited until Bones was inside to seal the door. He sat at the table and gestured for Bones to follow suit. He slouched into the chair opposite the Vulcan, sighing. 

“So what can I do for you, Spock? Is it a secret medical issue? Picked up extraterrestrial gonorrhoea or somethin’ you can’t tell Uhura?” 

“That is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about.” 

Bones stopped dead, turning to face the Vulcan. 

“Seriously?” 

“Yes. I mean to discuss my relations with Lieutenant Uhura.” 

Bones had a breath of relief, muttering, “Jesus, man, I thought you meant the _first_ half.” 

Spock laced his fingers together. 

“It has come to my attention that you have knowledge of, ah ... the human female.” 

“In what way?” Bones asked, both intrigued and suspicious. He had no clue what the Vulcan was talking about but if it was about his relationship with Uhura in private, it had to be an issue. “Spock, I’m a _doctor._ If it’s something disgustingly biological, I don’t need to know, I’ve seen a lot –” 

“I believe she is ‘done’ with me for a final time. And due to your apparent knowledge, I was asking you personally, how should I proceed?” 

“Wait, wait, wait. ‘Done’ is the exact word she used?” 

“Precisely.” 

Bones whistled. “Man. You must have screwed up somehow for her to say she’s through. What’d you do?” 

“She said I was too distant.” 

“Yeah, well, it’s not hard to believe –” 

“And that it had been too long since I showed her any affection.” 

Bones crossed his arms again. “So you’re telling me, you have a girlfriend like Uhura, and you took her for granted?” 

Spock frowned, tilting his head. “I was not aware of doing such.” 

“You obviously were, or she wouldn’t have said you were.” 

Spock seemed pensive. Then he leaned forwards. 

“So, doctor. I have devised an experiment, to test my levels of affection in order for me to appease Lieutenant Uhura’s wishes.” 

“Here we go. So, what? Want me to make a special blow up doll for you to practice small talk with?” 

“A what?” 

“Nevermind. But, Spock – why _me?_ For advice? You could have easily gone to Jim. Even Sulu, ‘cause he has a solid relationship, he could give you tips of how to treat your spouse well, I’m sure.” 

“Because, doctor, you have a mettle not unlike Lieutenant Uhura’s and also have excess of understanding of such relationship matters.” 

“So, long story short, you want my help ‘cause you’ve been dumped and don’t like it.” 

“I do not know what ‘dumped’ means.” 

“This is why you can’t handle relationships.” 

There was a moment of quiet. Spock was neutral, unblinking, when he next spoke. 

“So, doctor. I would like you to act as my partner, in order for me to correct my skills. You have the expertise and would be able to advise me if I made an error, or inappropriate –” 

Bones cut across with a sputter, both a choke and a laugh. 

“You – you _what?_ You want me to act as – as your girlfriend so you can love it up with her again?” 

“As I am aware, doctor, you are a male, but yes.” 

“That’s – besides the point. You want me ... to act like a, say, _lover_ , until you’re fit to treat Uhura well?” 

“Yes.” 

Bones didn’t even have a word of wit to say. He was speechless. The Vulcan wanted to fake-date him so he could fix whatever wasn’t working with Uhura? Was this happening for real, or was it a nightmare? 

“Doctor, you are pinching yourself.” 

Not a dream of any kind. _Damn._ Bones bit his tongue between his molars. 

“Look, Spock. I appreciate what you’re trying to do for Uhura. True love, I get it. Real Twilight story. Fine. But – I’m the wrong guy. I’m not up to holding your hand, telling you when you should smile more. I’m a doctor. D-O-C-T-O-R. Not a marriage counsellor.” 

“Lieutenant Uhura and I are not –” 

“That’s not the point. What I’m saying is ... no.” 

Spock looked mildly surprised, as if he had expected a yes from Bones. “Ah. If that is your choice then, doctor, I cannot persuade you otherwise. Thank you for your time.” 

He stood to let Bones out. The doctor stood slow, going to the door. It opened as Uhura herself walked past. Her eyes met his, then drifted to Spock’s. She looked away, hair swishing behind her. Bones whistled. 

“Pal, you have _really_ screwed up with her.” 

“I do not need a reminder, doctor.” 

Bones found himself actually considering the idea. He didn’t want anyone to get ideas about him – well, none too farfetched – but _damn it_. Anyone having these issues didn’t work well and he didn’t want the Enterprise jeopardised because of a sulky Vulcan and his ex-girlfriend awkwardly crossing paths daily. The two were professional, but, _god_ , elevator rides were going to be painful. He turned back around. 

“Alright, fine.” 

“Doctor?” 

“I’ll do it. _But._ Ground rules. We do this out of sight, so nobody knows it’s going on. Think of it like – private relationship tutoring. If you get better, we either branch out to public, or I lease you back to Uhura.” 

Bones found himself cringing at the innuendo. Spock didn’t pick up on it. He just nodded slowly. The doctor continued. “No kissing. Horizontal tango. You get me. Keep it platonic, okay?” 

“Of course. Those are human desires.” 

“No weird Vulcan procreation rituals I have to worry about?” 

“Of course not, doctor.” 

As he left, Spock called to him one last time. “Thank you, also.” 

He waved a hand over his shoulder as he walked. 

“Dear Lord, Jesus Christ on earth. What the hell am I getting into?" 

* 

Weeks passed. Days were normal – surgery, writing papers, doing research. But in the evenings, Bones found himself in Spock’s room, talking the Vulcan through pointers and tips in dating like the damn birds and the bees talk. It was day fifteen when Spock looked up, a slight frown on his face, only visible through a faint line between his brows. 

“What is your sexuality, doctor?” 

Bones was taken aback. 

“I – where did that come from?” 

“I was observing Mr Sulu, as you mentioned him a while ago. You also were not particularly averse to this concept. I was merely curious. Excuse me if it caused offense.” 

“Well, how about you first? Are you – do Vulcans even have sexualities? Or are you this omni-gender race – thing – Christ, ignore me.” 

“If I am honest, doctor, I cannot speak for other Vulcans. Our arranged marriages are males and females. I could not say if my people have particular inclinations.” 

“Okay, so, what about you specifically?” 

Spock looked up thoughtfully. “I have never given it thought.” 

“Well, you got options. Straight. Gay. Bisexual, some others. What do you think?” 

_Christ, I’m discussing sexuality with a straight-faced Vulcan. I shouldn’t be sober doing this._

“I am not sure, doctor. I feel as if what they are does not matter. Certain qualities attract me.” 

_Pansexual. A pansexual Vulcan. This conversation couldn’t get stranger, even if Spock jumped up and starting doing an Irish jig._

__“You, doctor?”_ _

__He shrugged a shoulder. “Me? Eh. Given it a lot of thought over the years. Bisexual. Bicurious. Whichever.”_ _

__“Thank you.”_ _

__“Um, no problem.”_ _

__Spock looked towards the door vaguely but didn’t seem to be thinking or looking. Just zoned out. Bones looked down, fiddling with his thumbs._ _

__“You, uh. Talked to Uhura yet?”_ _

__“I am giving her space. It would not be right to invade her space to try and bring her back to me when she does not want it herself.”_ _

__“She isn’t even meeting your eyes, is she?”_ _

__With a sigh, Spock replied, “No.”_ _

__“I’ve half a mind to grab you by the pointy ear and drag you in to talk face to face.”_ _

__“I would not recommend that. I believe she would not be convinced.”_ _

__“Huh. Really?”_ _

__“Yes.”_ _

__“Sarcasm, Spock. You gotta learn it.”_ _

__“What is something you could teach me, doctor?”_ _

__“What? I’ve been teaching you for two weeks now.”_ _

__“Lessons, yes. Nothing physical.”_ _

__“Hey – you want a lesson in biology, go watch a seedy movie in a dark corner of the ship.”_ _

__Spock sighed. “No, doctor, I am not interested in that physicality. I mean – ways to treat Lieutenant Uhura. Human women like things like hand-holding, I have seen. But I do not understand it.”_ _

__“Look, here.”_ _

__Bones held out a hand and flicked his fingers impatiently when Spock just looked at him. The Vulcan lifted a hand. Their elbows on the table, both of Bones’s and only one of Spock’s, the doctor took Spock’s hand in his two. “Alright. So. This is a hand, obviously. You want to know how to hold it?”_ _

__He wrapped one hand around Spock’s comfortably. “There. Easy. Even you should be able to get the hang of it.”_ _

__Spock nodded slowly, eyes fixed on their hands. Bones wanted to let go but the Vulcan’s grip was firm._ _

__“Um, pal. You let go at some point. You don’t hold hands till you die.”_ _

__Spock let go. “I see now, doctor. What occasions does one hold hands?”_ _

__“Well, uh. Formal events, you know. If you’re out and about having a nice night on the promenade. If you’re in a crowd and want to hang on – that last one is general, everyone does it.”_ _

__“You have held onto someone’s hand when trying not to get lost?”_ _

__“Yeah, when I was a kid.”_ _

__“So I am meant to treat Lieutenant Uhura as a child?”_ _

__“Dear _Lord_ , no. That was just an example.” _ _

__“Ah. I am beginning to understand now.”_ _

__Bones felt the prickling of a yawn and stood. “I’m tired. That’s it for today, alright? Tomorrow I can teach you the meaning of slow-dancing.”_ _

__He meant it to be sarcastic but Spock just thanked him, seeing him to the door. As he walked away, Bones rolled his eyes. That Vulcan was never going to learn._ _


	2. Crash Dive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The experiment gets out of control as Bones discovers a conflicting fact about Spock, and rumours are starting to fly.

_“A kiss may ruin a human life.” - Oscar Wilde_

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Day forty-two. Bones had noticed unsavoury mutterings now when he passed some groups, their eyes following him like he was the plague in human form. It was the last straw when he saw Jim eying him with a slight smile curling his mouth.

“Alright, what?” he asked, stopping short in front of the captain. “I see your face. What’re you smiling about?” 

“Oh, nothing,” Jim said, eyes glinting with humour. “Just, you know – rumours.” 

Bones felt his heart sinking. “Shit – what?” 

“Don’t worry, Bones, everyone has them. Some guy once asked me if I had a magical girlfriend who was a better fighter than me. Leave it be.” 

“With all due respect, Jim, you’d better tell me now what’s being said.” 

Jim laughed – actually laughed – and Bones felt a thrum of annoyance. “Is it about me and that green-blooded –” 

“Of course it is, Bones!” Jim replied, unable to keep a grin off his face. “You’re seen sneaking into Spock’s quarters every single night, and you think rumours _won’t_ fly?” 

“That’s – we aren’t – this was a bad idea,” Bones muttered, turning away. He needed to find that Vulcan and call this off. They had always been frenemies, verbal jousting, the bickering couple – but for people to think he and Spock were – 

Bones slowed his pace down the corridor. It had been their plan, after all. To fake-date. They had just kept it to lessons so far. It wasn’t like anyone had physical evidence. He didn’t need to stop this – it was for the benefit of them all if Uhura and Spock got along, surely. Plus it was fun for Bones to see _just how much_ Spock was oblivious to in terms of dating. 

“Doctor, you look agitated. Is something wrong?” 

He came out of his thoughts to see Spock regarding him. Bones, for a moment, didn’t say anything. Forget the rumours. Spock was expecting a reply. 

“Just rumours,” Bones said, rolling his eyes. “Forget it.” 

“Rumours?” Spock seemed curious. 

“Forget it,” Bones repeated. “Anyway. We have a meeting in your quarters.” 

Spock led the way. Bones made sure to narrow his eyes at a small female _something_ he’d seen Scotty chatting to earlier as he went in after Spock. The cabin door hissed shut. 

“So, what today?” 

“I thought we’d practice kissing,” Bones said dryly. He was bitter about those rumours still. He didn’t want it affecting how he was viewed as the surly doctor, smart but stoic. Okay, maybe he was being a _little_ narcissistic but, dammit, it was true. 

Spock didn’t even look the tiniest bit surprised, to Bones’s growing annoyance. It had been building all morning and if Spock was as infuriatingly literal as always – 

“If you wish, doctor,” the Vulcan said, head tipped to the side, seeing nothing at odds with what Bones had said. 

“Goddamnit, Spock, I was being sarcastic again. And – really? You’re that ready?” he said, snorting to himself. Just the thought of kissing Spock was – _strange_. Bones felt an unfamiliar creeping feeling of – _shit, what?_ No, no – it couldn’t be – _curiosity? What the hell?_

“Are you alright?” 

“Give me a minute,” Bones replied sharply, crossing into the bathroom. He stood by the sink, a picture-perfect cliché with his hands on the rim, staring at himself. What was going on? This – this was a joke, an ‘experiment’, nothing serious – 

Bones shook his head. Whatever he felt, it was just confusion. Yes, that was it. He was mistaking curiosity for personal interests. He was teaching Spock, in a way. It couldn’t hurt to teach something trivial like kissing. This was – platonic. _Platonically kissing Spock. I definitely should be drunk right now._

He exited to find Spock waiting, eyebrows furrowed in a faintly apprehensive manner. 

“Are you feeling well, doctor?” 

“Spock, if I wasn’t, I’m the best equipped on this damn ship to know why.” 

“That is true.” 

“Well, stop looking so worried then.” 

“Apologies. You just seemed rather ... conflicted.” 

Bones felt a prickle of anger at how easily Spock could read him. He wanted to take the Vulcan in his hands and – 

And what? Throttle him? He wasn’t _that_ angry. Jesus, his thoughts were running away from him today. Bones put a hand on his temple, rubbing an eye with the heel of his palm. _Calm down, you idiot._

“Doctor?” 

Bones inhaled slowly, turning to look at the Vulcan. Spock’s face was flat, now only with the suggestion of concern. “Yeah, fine. Kissing. You’ve done it with her, right?” 

“Yes.” 

“Then you aren’t a stranger to it.” 

“No.” 

“Good, cause if we do this, I don’t want any rookie biting of my lips – or – Jesus _Christ_ , is this a nightmare?” 

“What do you mean?” 

Bones threw his hands up, turning and walking away few paces. He was making this far too complicated. Overthinking such a simple task. He could have gotten it over with and be telling Spock how to somehow kiss better – God, he was the practice for Uhura – oh, _Christ_ , now he was thinking bullshit like “I’ve kissed the lips that kissed you” and – 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” 

“I’m fine. Psyching myself up too much. This was a terrible idea.” 

Bones turned back, opening his mouth to complain more, but his words left him as a hand took his face and a mouth met his and then _oh shit what the hell spock is kissing me and he’s – what, why is he so –_

Bones’s thoughts were a tidal wave, a confused mess, his brain sending alarm signals – _i’m a doctor i should be able to keep my cool_ – as he felt a hand brush his side, the thumb above his left ear warm, and _why was this vulcan so damn good with his mouth –_

Spock stepped back, letting go. He frowned slightly. Bones’s eyes were blank, no sarcastic retort rolling from his tongue. He just stood, slightly bewildered. Spock cocked his head. 

“Was that bad?” 

“My god, Spock,” was all Bones could say. He looked as if he wanted to laugh but was too dazed to do so. In actuality, all Bones wanted to was to feel the fire again. “Where did you learn to do that?” 

“If you are asking if I have taken classes, doctor, I never have.” 

“Well ... damn.” 

They stood in an awkward silence. The doctor broke it first, coughing. He rubbed the back of his neck. That had been an _experience_. For a moment, he forgot the experiment, forgot Uhura, forgot the rumours – all he could think was _i kind of want to feel that again_. It was a rush, illegal – he and Spock weren’t even friends – and yet – 

“Excuse me, doctor, but you look like you’re going to burst if you do not speak.” 

“Um. Yeah, pal. Good job. You need to know where to take it, though. You know? Depending on the context, of course. You can’t just do that to her without her consent, in case she slaps – scratch that, _punches_ – you for everyone to see. Get me?” 

“I think so, yes.” 

“You still up to the idea of making Vuclings with her?” 

“Vuclings, doctor?” 

“Little ones.” 

“Ah. I had not even considered it in these circumstances.” 

“Okay, so. Say you’re planning on it and she’s into it too. All is going well. You had experience with that?” 

“A bit, yes.” 

Bones paused to think, _I can’t believe I’m acting as Uhura. What even is this? An alternate universe?_

“If I’m honest, Spock, I have no idea what to do next.” 

“We may engage in a form of roleplay for you to perhaps educate me on what I am doing wrong?” 

_Dear Lord, this was getting out of hand fast. Bones wasn’t prepared for this. It was unreal._

“No, I think ... it’s enough for today.” 

“At your word, doctor.” 

Bones wasn’t sure how he found his way back to his quarters. He was still out of it, the memory of the – _kiss_ – burning behind his eyelids. He wasn’t sure if he anticipated or dreaded the next time he would see Spock. 

* 

“Bones. A word, please.” 

Bones twisted on his heel, not bothering to hide a bored expression. He returned to Jim, feeling the stirrings of irritation at the smile resting on his face. 

“What? Heard some new rumours?” he asked, words grating. 

“No, nothing of the sort. I was just commending you for your role as doctor ...” 

“Of _course._ ” 

“... And also for reaching ship-wide news.” 

Bones bit back an ugly curse as Jim grinned. 

“Is that it?” Bones managed to spit out. 

“Yeah, that’s it. Just a warning if anyone comes up with an insane rumour. I’ve already been asked if you locked me in a cupboard to get away with your affair.” 

“What? That’s bullshit.” 

“That’s what I said,” Jim said as he walked away, leaving the echo of his laugh and a seething Bones. With a curt shake of his head, Bones left the space, pissed off at everyone. He was angry, at Spock for being _so good with his damn_ so oblivious, at Jim for his stupid smile, at the whole crew for their rumours. Couldn’t two guys like Spock and Bones get along with ridiculous accusations of love? He was getting more and more bitter, even as he passed right by Spock’s quarters and almost missed him. 

“Doctor?” 

Bones stopped on the spot. He didn’t want to turn and face the Vulcan, but he couldn’t articulate an excuse. Biting his tongue, he marched past Spock into his room, not speaking until the door was shut. 

“Are you –” 

“Stop asking me! Yes!” he said, turning around finally. Spock was closer than he expected, only a foot away rather than across the room, and he took a step back. “You can’t do that with Uhura. Christ, you made _me_ jump.” 

“Apologies.” 

The Vulcan had that thin line of worry between his eyebrows again, like the tripwire Bones was walking. 

“I’m just ... tense. The whole Enterprise is goin’ nuts with rumours about us.” 

“They are only that. They will die down. People lose interest.” 

His voice was hardly a reassurance to Bones, but it was the only voice of reason in the room. Bones was hit then, blind behind the sensation – _a mouth on his, better than any girl he’d been with, and a despicable ache in his chest_ – and his breath caught, painful in his throat. 

“You cannot be alright –” 

“Let’s get these lessons over with so you can go back to Uhura and I have my evenings back to myself, huh?” 

A nod. The Vulcan moved closer, hesitant, maybe. Bones felt a surge of – _something_ close to anger – and the room was too hot, Spock was too close, the ship was too small to contain them. 

“Is this correct?” Spock asked, looking down inquisitively, every action merely stilted – he felt nothing of the inner turmoil Bones was grappling with. The Vulcan half helped, he supposed. A hand took his waist – _this is ridiculous, I might_ laugh – but Bones reminded himself, this was just a platonic lesson, so Spock could get along with Uhura again. He cleared his thoughts of the darker ones, ones he didn’t want to face yet. He should _not_ be falling apart so easily. It wasn’t like him. He was Leonard McCoy, doctor of the Enterprise, who kept his head when saving lives, who was sent into very _un_ -doctor situations, life and death – how the hell could he handle them, and not this? 

“If someone walked in now,” he said, glancing at the door, partly wishing he could walk out of it. Spock didn’t look back. 

“They will not, doctor.” 

“It was an attempt at being funny.” 

“It was not effective.” 

“Well, you do something better –” 

Bones felt the tug before Spock kissed him and somehow, _damn him to hell_ , this time it was _worse_. Bones had to take a step back, something burning inside him like a fuse. Spock’s hand on his waist was tight enough that he knew his pulse was carrying across and he tried to catch onto the Vulcan. _this is bullshit, he can’t control me like this._

The inch taller was giving Spock such an _advantage_ over him. With the devastating realisation that he wasn’t fighting this, Bones’s heart dropped in cold terror at a second realisation. 

It had lain dormant, buried, but it was there, it had always been there, and Bones hated himself, hated Spock, but his loathing was scorching down to nothing. His thoughts were empty; he could only feel the damn Vulcan’s hand on his waist, his mouth, _goddamnthatfuckingmouth_ , it was killing him inside. 

Another step back. The wall was near, he could feel it, and in the brief moments their mouths weren’t together it was like a knife, stabbing into his chest. He _hated_ Spock, for the things he did to him, from the moment they met, it had been there, and now – _now_ – 

This was a fabrication. Bones knew – even as his hand found Spock’s hair and the Vulcan’s other hand slipped down his side, even as his back hit the wall and he felt something so dark, so _hidden_ , start to surface – Spock felt nothing in return. This was _half_ of something and, _dammit_ , Bones had invested his whole self into that half. 

This should have ended. It couldn’t go anywhere for them, but _god_ , neither was ending it and he was falling down a spiral of disaster every second that passed. Bones felt that fire in the pit of his stomach, the fire that was eating away at his insides, and it was wrong, it was so _wrong_ , and such a strong feeling of revulsion rose up that he turned his head away from Spock, heart pounding. _What the hell do I say now?_

“So?” 

Bones looked at him, breathless. _Oh, yeah. This is an experiment._

“I, uh ...” 

He could barely meet Spock’s level gaze. “I’m ... wondering how the hell Uhura could break up with you when you, uh, kiss like that.” 

“Doctor, you seem flustered.” 

Was it a hint of amusement in his eyes? Confusion? Bones couldn’t tell. He looked down then. They were still against the wall. “I, uh ...” 

The door hissed open and both turned. Scotty looked up from something in his hand. 

“Mr Spock, the captain –” he began, but stopped dead. Spock let go of Bones, turning, both hands neatly behind his back. Scotty’s mouth was half open as he looked between them. Bones straightened, trying to pull the surliest frown onto his face, as if he wasn’t affected by Scotty walking in. 

“I can, uh ... come back later, if you –” the Scotsman said, gesturing over his shoulder with a thumb, starting to back out. Spock lifted a hand. 

“Unnecessary. What was the captain saying?” 

Bones tuned out, turning away from the door, barely noticing when they left and he was alone in Spock’s quarters. 

_Dammitdammitdammit._ Everything was going to hell and back. Surely he could trust Scotty – no, the man had a big mouth when he was drunk – Lord, this was going to make everything so much _worse._ He tried to push it away, sitting down, resting his chin on his hands. It wasn’t working. His knee was jigging, agitated, until he slammed a palm onto it to stop it. With just a second of hesitation, Bones wiped his mouth with the back of his left hand. He needed to distance himself. This. Was. _Nothing._ Spock felt nothing. He felt ... 

What did he feel? Something akin to hatred, abhorrence for himself, for the Vulcan, for Scotty – he rubbed a hand over his face, shutting his eyes. _Shit._ This was insane. He was _Leonard McCoy_ , not Uhura, he didn’t love Spock – or anything stupid – 

Bones stood. Rubbed his mouth again. But the feeling was still there, a lingering sickness, an incurable taste in his mouth. He left Spock’s quarters, ignoring the “doctor?” that followed - the damn Vulcan was back already - only wanting to get to his cabin and never leave. He didn’t want to see anyone’s face again, especially Spock’s, because he wasn’t sure of what he would do. It was a twisted thing, he thought, angry again, but this time, it was only at himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bones's thoughts are the italics, mostly. 
> 
> Chapter title and quote "incurable taste in my mouth" (paraphrased) from the song 'Falling For You' by Norman Doray. Also a Scott Pilgrim reference. 
> 
> Fun fact, the 'locked in a cupboard' rumour Kirk mentions is based off a real rumour someone once asked about me. Yes. It was strange.


	3. Thoughts, Only Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones is pissed after what happened and he's been avoiding Spock. He isn't sure what is between them now, or at least, what he thinks. But those are only thoughts. 
> 
> And then it all collapses.

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_“To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.” – Federico García Lorca_

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A week passed. Bones hadn’t seen Spock in a full seven days. He spent all his time down in the sickbay, even when there was nobody else there, even if it was past midnight. Pretending to write a paper. Squinting unconvincingly at research. Sitting back in his chair, chewing on his lip, his mind a storm. Things he didn’t want to confront. He had somehow managed to be pissed off the entire week. 

At who? Himself? 

Spock? 

Bones swung his legs down to the floor, resting his head on one hand, trying to write. It was too dark to concentrate and he touched a hand to his mouth, biting back a string of curses. The door hissed open and he looked up, dreading the sight of dark eyes, and saw it was Scotty. 

“What?” he said, making no effort to sound welcoming. The second person he had made an effort to avoid was Scotty. 

“Oh, it’s you,” Scotty said, as if he somehow _hadn’t_ expected to see Bones down here. “Yeah, okay, um. You an’ I have got to talk.” 

Bones looked back down. Part of his anger was directed at the Scotsman and, _Lord_ , that accent was grating at his temper. 

“Not right now. Unless you’re about to die, you don’t need to be here.” 

Scotty moved closer. 

“Alright. You need to calm down –” 

“Why?” Bones asked, fixing Scotty with a narrow glare. “I have nothing to say.” 

“You’re embarrassed, I get it –” 

“I am _not_ –” 

“Yes, you are, and we really need to speak about what I saw a week ago. When I first heard aboot you and ... him, I thought, ‘I cannae believe this rubbish’, but then ...” 

Bones’s gaze was warning him to stop talking but Scotty wasn’t about to chicken out. “Then, I walked in, and ... is this something you and Mr Spock have?” 

“It’s nothing, I was just teaching him how to treat Uhura better.” 

“What? Really?” 

“Yes, really,” Bones answered, and his voice was tired, as if he had gone over it a thousand times in his head, trying to convince himself. “It’s not some horseshit affair. I’ve heard the talking. Christ, I’ve had enough of it.” 

Scotty was quiet for a moment. He took a deep breath. 

“Alright. It’s cleared up. That’s all I wanted to know.” 

He gave an awkward wave of the hand as he left. Bones waited until the door hissed closed for him to lean back again. _Goddamnit, this is stupid_. He was hiding down here from everyone when he should be going about his normal life around the Enterprise, snarking at Jim, bothering Spock. It was true what he had said – what Scotty had witnessed was nothing more than a ‘lesson’. An awkward one, sure, but he could get over it. He could teach Spock other things like how to compliment Uhura. _Yeah, that’s great. The sooner he learns how to talk to her with appreciation, the faster this ends and the rumours quit. The sooner he and I can get back to fighting ... and bugging each other ... and ..._

A vague memory, flickering at the back of his mind, one he had forced down. Bones shrugged it away as he stood up, smiling wryly. Finally, he had a plan. He knew how to clear everything up. He picked up the research and went to the door. It hissed open and he stepped out, directly into Spock. His entire thought process shattered as he looked up at the Vulcan. _Shit, really? I just had this!_

“Oh, hello, doctor.” 

“The hell’re you doin’ here at this time of night?” he hissed, pushing the Vulcan so they had space between them. “Man, you have to learn personal space, or you won’t get anywhere.” 

“I was looking for you.” 

“Great, you too,” Bones muttered. Then, to Spock, he said brusquely, “why?” 

“You have been avoiding everyone. We were concerned for your health.” 

“Yeah? Well, I’m fine, thanks.” 

A hand caught his shoulder as he tried to brush past and Bones stopped, turning his head only slightly, looking at Spock out of the corner of his eye. The Vulcan was not looking at him. 

“You can’t grab her by the arm if you don’t get the answer you want, you know.” 

“I am aware of that, doctor, but you are not Lieutenant Uhura.” 

A slight chill crawled up Bones’s spine at his tone of voice. “Easy, Big-Ears. You gotta be less creepy.” 

“I cannot take your word that you are alright when your entire body language suggests otherwise, doctor. While neither of us is a psychologist, I am sure you can understand me.” 

“Spock, I’m tired, let me go crash face-first into my bed and forget you weirdly held onto my shoulder.” 

The hand released him. Bones hesitated, gaze searching Spock’s unreadable face. God, he hated what an emotionless shell this man was. He felt a strange desire to get under his skin, push him until he snapped, that lifelong urge to piss Spock off as much as he could. But Bones also felt an odd sense of wanting to wait it out. See if Spock could somehow learn emotion. Now he was sounding like a twisted psychologist, a damn Zimbardo figure, wanting to observe this Vulcan’s behaviour. 

“You’re thinking rather deeply.” 

He realised he had been staring at Spock’s face, wrapped up in his own inner monologue. “Just about you and your damn straight face,” he replied. One of Spock’s eyebrows quirked upwards at the remark. _Ruining the symmetry._ Bones cleared his throat. 

“Did you want to, uh, resume the ... lessons?” 

“If it would not be an inconvenience.” 

Bones considered it. He had spent every evening since last week down here, doing nothing of use. He shrugged a shoulder and, with as much dryness as he could muster, replied, “I _guess_ I could go back.” 

“Thank you, doctor,” Spock said with a nod, and he left Bones standing in the dark by the sickbay. 

_Hell, oh, hell. What am I thinking?_

* 

Bones had surpassed the stages of teaching Spock how to compliment Uhura. It had been a painful week-long process of trying to get the Vulcan to not sound forced – which was difficult, as most of his speech did anyway. 

____ _ _

__  
_ _

“If she cuts her hair or wears something new, regardless of what you think, Spock, you do not say what you think,” he had said. Spock had frowned. 

__“But that is misleading.”_ _

___“Spock, if you tell her you think her new earrings are ugly or something stupid, it’s an insult, not a compliment, trust me.”_ _ _

____He had stepped back. “Okay, now try complimenting me.”_ _ _ _

____“You?”_ _ _ _

____“Yes, me.”_ _ _ _

____“But you have not changed anything.”_ _ _ _

____“I – just do it.”_ _ _ _

____A long pause of silence._ _ _ _

____“You ... have nice uniform.”_ _ _ _

____“Is – is that it? Spock, we wear the exact same thing.”_ _ _ _

____“Excuse me, doctor, but you make it sound easier than it may be.”_ _ _ _

____“Jesus, you’re a piece of work – fine, let me try.”_ _ _ _

____Contrary to what he had said, Bones had found himself momentarily struggling to find something good to say, after so many years of insults and reluctant praise. Spock merely regarded him expectantly. Bones scratched his ear and said the first positive thing that came into his head. “You ... uh ... kiss well.”_ _ _ _

____“As do you.”_ _ _ _

____“Okay, no – well, _yes,_ that’s the type of thing you say but I was just – joking –” __ _ _

____“So that was an example of what I should say to Lieutenant Uhura?”_ _ _ _

____“I guess, yeah. But don’t be too blunt. It can be ... unnerving.”_ _ _ _

____He had trailed off, Spock’s intense level stare causing him to lose his words. “Spock – blink, man, you can’t just stare at someone like that.”_ _ _ _

____ _ _

__  
_ _

Now Bones was running out of ideas but, for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to end the experiment and send Spock to try and work things out with Uhura. He was walking down the corridor to the Vulcan’s quarters when he passed her. She vaguely looked at him, eyes searching his face as if for a response. _God, she’s probably heard the rumours too – how the hell is this going to work?_

He stopped outside the cabin. Breathed deeply. Waited for it to hiss open. Spock was waiting for him. 

“What today?” he asked. Truth be told, Bones was scraping away at ‘lessons’. Just the last week, he had spent an evening telling Spock how chivalry was nice but presumptuous. It had been a confusing day for them both. A disaster, in fact. 

“Look, Spock. I’m ... not sure what else I can teach you,” he said, sighing, sitting and looking up at him. The Vulcan nodded his head slightly. He moved closer when Bones stood to leave, in front of the doorway. His stance was strangely ominous. Bones shifted so he faced the Vulcan, narrowing his eyes as he looked him up and down. 

“What?” he asked. Spock’s eyes were dark, unreadable. Bones felt a prickle of ... _caution,_ his hands twitching with a pulse of adrenaline. _God,_ Spock could be terrifying when he wanted to. 

“You mean you have no more lessons?” 

His voice was soft, level, and it made Bones’s heart stutter. 

“None I can think of,” he said, eying Spock, feeling his heartbeat pounding under his ribs. “You should probably ... lessen the scare-factor, yeah?” 

Spock just lifted his head, the light reaching his eyes, and suddenly he looked far more normal. 

“But you have not acted as Lieutenant Uhura would. I am afraid I would go back to her, and treat her as I have treated you.” 

_Pal, if you kissed her like you kissed me, she probably would consider taking you back._

“What are you trying to say?” Bones asked, curiosity stirring. _Oh, hell._

“I am merely speculating, doctor. You may go. This is, of course, an experiment, and we may end it whenever we choose.” 

_Damn Vulcan, making it sound like a lab trip._

“I’m not ... against the idea,” Bones said, slowly, carefully. _What – what am I doing? I said – just weeks ago – I was over him, and yet –_

“Implying?” Spock asked. Bones could see from his face, hear in his voice – he felt none of the emotions that were eroding Bones from the inside out. _God – damn –_

“Whatever you want it to imply,” was his reply. It was like a dare. Spock’s eyes were glittering – _hell, is he taking this roleplay bullshit seriously?_ Bones had been half joking, unable to believe his ears, as he knew that no matter what happened between the two of them, regardless of if he was ‘doctor’ or ‘Uhura’ in Spock’s eyes, it wasn’t going to change the Vulcan’s overriding feelings of – nothing. 

And Bones’s own thoughts were making him sick. They were thoughts, only thoughts, and damn him if he was going to let the chemical workings of his brain _ruin_ him. Spock was – had to be – playing with him, but was taking the leap or walking away the way to win? He wanted to hate the Vulcan with his entire being but it was hard when he felt a terrible desire to navigate _towards_ him, too. 

“You look afraid.” 

Bones looked up to find Spock barely inches away, head tilted, inquiring. He waved a hand, hardly able to hold the Vulcan’s gaze. 

“I’m fine.” 

Spock gently took his face in his hand, fingers sliding around the side of his neck below his ear, a thumb on his cheek. Bones felt a hollowness inside of him jarring at the touch but didn’t pull away. 

“You don’t need to be afraid,” Spock said, his voice quiet. The kiss that followed was soft, careful, so unlike the – _vicious_ – kiss from weeks ago, yet it was so much more dangerous. It felt _safe_ and _right_ , and Bones knew, his heart burning, that this was never going to be his. 

Was that what he wanted? Surely not. He craved the old burn, the demand from his lips, not this – no, no, he couldn’t want – _both?_

He found his hand curled around Spock’s neck, breathing in through his nose, and _god, this is insane, we shouldn’t be doing this, not even as a joke –_

“You’re a bastard,” he hissed in an inhale, and felt Spock’s lips curl _is that a damn smile?_ against his and he was _yielding_ , losing this game. 

_If there is a God, you’d better purge me of my sins liberally._

A subtle grip on his hip – Bones’s skin was burning with the mistake he was making, he knew this was bad, even as he felt warm breath on his lip, as he moved to kiss Spock back. _shitshitshitthishasgonetoofar_. He couldn’t back out now, he was in the thick of it and he was drowning. They were moving back towards the bed and Bones felt a flash of panic – this was moving too fast, going too far, and he was more vulnerable, malleable, _compromised_ , than he had been in the rest of his entire _life_. 

The hand on his face moved down to his side, negotiating the unspoken, and Bones forgot who he was, forgot who he was with. All he could feel was the hair he was twisting between his fingers, the growing tension in the body against his, the slightest scratch of a tooth on his lip and _i’m losing it, i can’t take this, this has to stop –_

But the fire inside him was _alive_ , feeding on his longing and hatred and the darkest, worst feelings he had never dared to face. His heel hit something, his mind blanking on him, but then. 

__It stopped._ _

The hands let go, the mouth broke off and he opened his eyes, half forgetting that it had been _Spock_ he was with. _Oh, shit. Do I – I can’t, this is –_

__“Well?”_ _

__Bones’s heart plummeted. After all that, it was still just false. A façade, built on a stupid idea he had been mad to accept._ _

__“Well, what?” he responded, holding back growing resentment. He felt used, or cheated, at least. “You can’t look me in the eye and tell me you just saw me as Uhura, unless she can grow five inches when she’s alone with you.”_ _

__Spock just tilted his head, to Bones’s chagrin._ _

__“Are you suggesting I should have been thinking of you, doctor? That was not the aim of this experiment.”_ _

It stung. Bones couldn’t care anymore, too angry to reply, because now it was over, he was left at the mercy of his self-loathing. For so long he had been able to ignore how he felt, but now those ashen thoughts had come back, from where he had tried to burn them, deep inside of himself. It – goddammit, it _hurt_ , and he said no more. Bones pushed past Spock and went straight for the door. A hand closed around his arm, halting him. 

__“Spock, let go,” he said, his low voice a threat._ _

__“No.”_ _

__“No? Don’t give me this shit –”_ _

__“I am giving you nothing of the sort. You cannot just change so fast. Why are you so angry?”_ _

“You want to know why I’m angry, do you?” Bones demanded, tearing his arm free, wheeling on the Vulcan. “I’ve always disliked you, Spock, from the day we both started on the Enterprise, but you keep pulling me back – and it’s misleading, it’s trickery, don’t you get it? You can’t ever get Uhura back if you just play damn _games._ ” 

__The room was eerily silent when he stopped talking. Spock’s eyes were black. He looked as if he wanted to speak but said nothing. Bones turned to leave and the door opened._ _

__“Doctor, are you ... implying you have feelings for me?”_ _

__The words were blunt, characteristically Vulcan, and they stopped him dead in his tracks. The corridor was dimly lit but all Bones could feel was the room behind him, like the rest of the ship was empty._ _

__“Where the hell did you get that from?”_ _

__“I may be Vulcan, but I am not stupid.”_ _

__Bones couldn’t find a reply. He searched for an excuse, something biting, maybe sarcasm. But nothing came to him. He just stood in the empty doorway, unable to face what was behind him._ _

__“You should have told me.”_ _

__“No, I shouldn’t have. This entire endeavour was a mistake. I never should have said yes.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fic title change (from 'An Experiment In Dating') because this was meant to be a humour fic, but changed quite drastically. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are amazing, thank you so much! I love getting feedback and I hope you like this so far. 
> 
> I also have a Spotify playlist if anyone is interested - https://open.spotify.com/user/keeprunningkilljoys/playlist/6ObTL2oNFaggy08EykDqNB


	4. Gliese 667Cc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the crew of the Enterprise head for Gliese 667Cc, Kirk finds himself playing peacekeeper in one of the worst twists of fate to happen aboard the ship.

__

_“Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so.” – Ray Stannard Baker_

__

__

____

__

____

“You cannot mean that,” Spock said. If Bones’s words were affecting him, it wasn’t showing. 

“Oh, trust me, I can.” 

“If that is what you truly think, then I cannot persuade you to think otherwise.” 

“Oh, and what’s your alternative?” 

“You do not have to be bitter, doctor.” 

“Well, I am.” 

He narrowed his eyes at Spock. “You know, you’re wrong. I don’t feel anything for you. I bet this was your game all along – you’re just another manipulative bastard, seeing how far you can take it.” 

“You are mistaken.” 

“Am I?” 

There was a stretch of silence. Spock’s eyes were flint, unblinking. 

“Yes.” 

Bones just shook his head. For the first time in months, he felt like he was his normal self again, with nothing but dislike for the Vulcan. It was a relief. _Is it? Yes, it damn well is._

“I’m done. This is over. Go back to your girlfriend and win her back. That’s what you wanted all along.” 

“What I wanted? Not you?” 

“Don’t turn my words on me, you green-blooded –”

Footsteps echoed from down the corridor. Spock, inside his cabin, couldn’t see out, so Bones was first to see Kirk and Scotty. He swore under his breath. This couldn’t get worse. 

“What’s going on?” Kirk asked. 

“Nothing, Jim, this damn Vulcan is just getting on my nerves –”

“Pardon me for the scene, Captain.” 

Bones threw an angry look at Spock, who matched it coolly. Kirk flicked his eyes at Scotty, silently mouthing _wow_. He resumed attention to the arguing pair. 

“Seems to me, Mr Spock, that both of you are responsible.” 

Spock’s face registered the smallest flicker of surprise. “Captain, it is Dr McCoy who is acting like a child.” 

“Me? You pointy-eared –”

“Let him speak, Bones,” Kirk said, blue eyes resting on the doctor. He was assuming the calm role of captain, mediator, separator. _This is bullshit._

“As I was saying,” Spock continued, gaze sliding over Bones’s before it fixed on Kirk, “Dr McCoy is just acting rash. Excuse me.” 

The door hissed closed, leaving Bones standing, livid, with Kirk and Scotty. 

“Clear something up for me,” Kirk said. “Something happened between you, I can see that much. But you guys have always fought – what the hell pushed you over?” 

Bones saw Scotty open his mouth and his expression was enough to cause him to close it again. Jim glanced at the engineer. “What? What was that look?” 

“Uh, nothing, captain.” 

“Scotty, I saw that look Bones gave you. Do you know something I don’t?” 

“I’m – not at liberty to say.” 

“Not at liberty to – I really don’t feel like doing this right now. Spit it out.” 

“I –”

“Alright, fine,” Bones interrupted. “I was telling your Vulcan pal how to fix his thing with Uhura. It got out of hand. He led me on. And now he’s spouting bullshit about –”

_About there being something, one-sided, between us._

“About ...?” Kirk asked, frowning. Bones brushed it off. 

“Just bullshit.” 

“Well, that’s great. Not only have you two got way too involved, it’s blown up in your faces,” Jim said dryly. 

“What do you mean, he led you on?” Scotty asked. Alarm flickered in Bones’s eyes. 

“He just made something ridiculous out of nothing,” he replied bitterly. 

“Then what do we do?” Kirk asked, looking up, away from Bones. “I really don’t want my Commander and head doctor getting in more fights than normal. You two have to sort this out.” 

“Easier said than done, Jim,” Bones gritted out. “The closest I’d get is if I force-fed him chocolate and then persuaded him to make up while he’s drunk on the floor.” 

“That doesn’t sound like something a doctor should be saying,” Scotty mumbled. 

“Of course I don’t want you to do something as stupid as getting Spock drunk, but you have to work it out soon. We’re a day from landing on Gliese 667Cc and you two fighting won’t help when we offload.” 

“You’d better lecture that hobgoblin when you’re done with me.” 

“Are you listening to me, Dr McCoy?” 

“Yes, _captain.”_

Scotty backed away from the hostility. 

“I don’t want nae part o’ this,” he said, hands up. Bones gave Jim one last hard stare before he turned on his heel. His footsteps reverberated down the entire corridor, his mutterings unintelligible. Kirk stepped up to Spock’s door and was momentarily surprised when the door hissed open and the Vulcan was directly on the other side. 

“Heard everything, did you?” 

“I could not help it. Your voices – _his_ voice – was rather loud.” 

“Hey, I was speaking as quietly as I could,” Scotty exclaimed from behind Kirk. Spock’s eyes were icy. 

“Not you, Mr Scott.” 

“Ah.” 

Kirk rolled his eyes. “If you heard me, then, Spock, you know you have to try to patch it up. _Try._ For the Enterprise’s sake. I don’t want to find you two refusing to share a pod in a crisis, you hear me?” 

“Yes, captain.” 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Gliese awaits.”

*

Bones woke up angry. 

He briefly forgot why, only knowing he was pissed, and his throat and head burned. He sat up, a palm against his temple.  


“Thought I wouldn’t wake you.” 

He looked up sharply, seeing Kirk standing in the door, Chekov behind him. 

“Jim? And ... Russian kid? Why are you –”

“Because, Bones, you raided his locker –”

“Again,” Chekov added. 

“– And drank a whole damn bottle of scotch. And the strong stuff, too.” 

“My god, my head feels like a herd of morris dancers have set up for a season.” 

“I’m not surprised,” Kirk replied dryly. He turned back out of the door. “You aren’t getting hangover sympathy. You’re the doctor, you can handle it. We’re close to Gliese. Get your shape together and meet me at the bridge in five.” 

Bones pushed himself up, almost stumbling. Dear _Lord_ , had it been that long since he drank that he was in such a state? _Whatever, I can handle it._ The liquor was having an amnesiac effect. He couldn’t for the life of him recall why he was so irritated. Waking up angry was all the more frustrating when he couldn’t remember _why_. 

As he left his quarters and made his way to the bridge, his head was clearing slightly. He made a diversion to the medical bay to see if anything would help. A little later than five minutes, Bones made it to the bridge. 

Standing behind Kirk’s right shoulder was Spock and it all came rushing back. _That_ was why he was angry. Strangely, a feeling of shame rose up in him. Bones felt like there should be an apology somewhere, but was he the one meant to be saying it? 

“Ah, you finally made it,” Kirk said, a smile gracing his face. He saw Bones’s eyes fixed on Spock and his smile faltered. _Oh, not this again._

“We are sixteen hundred metres from the surface, sir,” Chekov called. 

“Gliese 667Cc, ladies and gentlemen. It’s a lot like home. But hopefully, this planet is not inhabited. It’ll make our mission much easier.” 

“Why are we here again?” Bones asked, squinting one eye. _Damn_ , his head was aching. Spock’s expression was of distaste when he regarded him. 

“To search for, and extract, a mineral which, if not contained, could offset gravity itself.” 

“Yeah, I was asking Jim.” 

“Doctor, are you intoxicated?” 

“So, there’s a mineral that can offset _gravity_. How does that even work?” 

“Are you fit for duty?” 

“Stop talking, Spock, or I’ll do it for you,” Bones warned, his tone threatening enough that crewmembers shared dubious glances. 

“At ease, Spock,” Kirk murmured. Spock’s gaze dragged over Bones’s face, narrow, judgmental. He turned away. _Yeah, do as he says, you pointy bastard._

Kirk gathered a select few to come with him – Uhura, Spock, Bones, Scotty and Jaylah. Truth be told, Bones had forgotten she even existed, as she spent all her time down with Scotty in engineering, often trying to take apart things that were critical to the Enterprise’s running. 

“Mr Sulu, you will be acting captain while we explore the surface. Beam us out if we come under attack but if it puts the Enterprise at risk, you get her to safety first. Do you hear me?” 

“Yes, captain.” 

Kirk and his group were beamed down onto the surface of Gliese 667Cc and watched as the Enterprise pulled away, dipping away to wherever Sulu would deem safe and large enough to hide her. It was warmer than they had expected, above eighty degrees fahrenheit, and it was greener than Earth. 

“What a wonderful world,” Kirk murmured, scanning their surroundings. They couldn’t waste time and he began to lead the rest of the crew, winding through strange red trees and over loamy greenish soil. 

“Peculiar,” Spock said softly, slowing to take a closer look at a circular leaf. Bones snorted. 

“Big deal. A round leaf.” 

Spock turned slowly. “This is a species I am unfamiliar with. Therefore I am allowed to note its unusual nature.” 

“Leave him alone, McCoy,” Uhura said gently. The headache was getting on Bones’s nerves, his temper flaring every time he saw Spock. 

“Do you think it is edible?” Jaylah was asking, having pulled a strange pink root from the ground. 

“Um, no, and I wouldnae try eating it, either,” Scotty was hastily saying, trying to make her drop it. Jaylah held it up higher. 

“Are you afraid of a plant, Montgomery Scotty?” 

“Yes, I am, actually, eating strange things from the ground is _not_ a good – don’t eat it!” 

Kirk had stopped in a clearing in the trees, vaguely amused by Scotty and Jaylah’s antics, but most of his attention was focused on Bones and Spock. It seemed neither had taken his advice to make up and it was going to be even harder now, with Uhura present and Bones hungover. 

_Stop talking, Spock, or I’ll do it for you._

There was a prickle of curiosity in Kirk. His eyes travelled between the Vulcan and the doctor. 

_He led me on._ That was what Bones had said. Surely – something hadn’t happened, more than Kirk had even anticipated, something so _forbidden_ that the two couldn’t come back from it? 

He carefully made his way across to Scotty, who had managed to finally dissuade Jaylah from eating the root. It broke in his hands and he found it was full of strange green weevils. He dropped the root with a shriek, trying to get the weevils off. 

“Having fun there, Scotty?” Kirk asked, almost laughing. 

“Oh, aye, the best,” Scotty answered, kicking the root away. “Something you wanted me for?” 

“What you were going to say yesterday,” Kirk said, his hushed tone drawing Scotty closer. He followed the line of sight to Spock and Bones, who seemed to be arguing again. 

“Aboot them?” 

“Yeah. What were you going to say?” 

“The same as what Bones said, sir. The whole Uhura mess. I have to say, I feel bad for the lass, having to deal with –” 

“Nothing you aren’t telling me?” Kirk cut across, making eye contact with the engineer. Scotty visibly swallowed. 

“I have no idea what that could be, captain.” 

“Scotty, you’re a brilliant engineer, but a terrible liar.” 

“Look,” Scotty whispered urgently, “I cannae say. Bones would skin me alive.” 

“Montgomery Scotty!” 

“Ask himself yourself if you want ta get flayed –”

“ _Scotty!_ ” 

“Oh, hell –” Scotty had to run fast, knowing Jaylah had probably found something else she shouldn’t be touching. Kirk was confused by the cryptic message so he just stood and watched. Spock’s calm nature seemed to be too much for Bones to handle, as he left halfway through something Spock was saying and went straight to stand by Kirk. 

“I swear, Vulcans ...” he was muttering. 

“What about them?” Kirk asked innocently. If he could get some kind of information – something to help him better understand just _exactly_ what had torn such a rift between the two – it would help immensely. Bones scowled, rubbing his head. 

“Dammit, Jim, why have we stopped here? Aren’t we meant to be looking for some mineral?” 

“What happened between you and Commander Spock?” 

Bones stared at him, as if the question alone had made him sober. Kirk’s face was serious. _He isn’t joking._

“Why do you want to know?” 

“Because it is compromising the skill of two of my best crewmembers.” 

“Flattery gets you nowhere.” 

“Bones, just tell me.” 

“Did – did Scotty say something?” 

“No, but thanks to the panic in your voice, I know now that he has something to hide from me about you.” 

He took hold of Bones’s arm as the group began to move again. Kirk, making sure the two of them were a way ahead of the others, ducked his head to whisper. 

“Look, you can trust me. We’ve been friends for years. Whatever you won’t say, you can honestly tell me.” 

“Jim, as much as I trust you, no.” 

“No, like, you don’t want to say?” 

“This conversation ends here.” 

Kirk slowed, letting Bones walk away. Spock caught up with him, also keeping his gaze on the doctor. 

“Is something wrong, captain?” 

“With Bones, or in general?” 

“With Doctor McCoy.” 

“I don’t know. What happened between you and him, Spock?” 

Out of everyone, Kirk knew Spock would be the most trustworthy, as his habit of telling the truth often screwed them over. 

“I suspect Doctor McCoy is experiencing feelings which extend past his capabilities of understanding.” 

“Feelings?” 

Spock just looked at him wordlessly and then Kirk _realised. Oh, shit, no way. Bones – had feelings – for Spock?_

“You’re sure?” Kirk hissed, trying to avoid Uhura from overhearing. 

“Positive.” 

“But – I don’t understand, you two never got along. How the hell has that translated into ‘feelings’?” 

Spock stooped under a red leafy branch. “He and I have shared some ... intimate moments.” 

“Intimate moments.” 

“Yes.” 

“You. And Bones.” 

“Yes.” 

“Spock, can you pinch me – _ow!_ Okay, it’s a figure of speech.” 

“Apologies.” 

Kirk stopped then, waving the others over. “We’re going to split up. Jaylah, you go with Uhura. Scotty, you team up with Bones. Spock, you’re with me. You’re looking for a glowing red mineral but whatever you do, _don’t touch it._ ” 

Bones seemed relieved he wasn’t stuck with Spock, making his way off with Scotty, who gave Kirk a wide-eyed look of ‘why him’ as he followed. Now alone with Spock, Kirk turned back to the Vulcan. 

“What the hell do you mean?” 

“Captain?” 

They began to make their way through the trees, the vines hanging down getting thicker, having to step around the pink roots that were protruding from the ground. Kirk had a fresh image of green weevils and made sure to step extra high. The Vulcan was far more sure-footed. He had to be part mountain goat to be able to walk so easily on this terrain, Kirk thought, grinning at a hilarious image of Spock climbing a mountain vertically. He continued after a while. 

“I mean,” Kirk said, pausing so he wouldn’t smash his forehead off a particularly low branch, “can you elaborate on _intimate?_ ” 

“I assure you, captain, it was completely platonic.” 

“Spock, trust me – the words ‘intimate’ and ‘platonic’ often don’t go hand in hand, by my experience, and he seems pretty angry, so I hope you don’t mind if I doubt every word you say.” 

“I am telling the truth, captain,” Spock replied evenly, his steady gaze finding’s Kirk’s. “It was, or at least to my point of view, meant to be platonic.” 

“Which says to me that, from _his_ point of view, it wasn’t.” 

“If that is the case, I did not realise at the time. I assumed Doctor McCoy was going to remain professional for the course of the experiment.”

Kirk stopped short. 

“Sorry, what?” he asked. “ _Experiment?_ ” 

“Yes. A proposal I made to him, which he accepted, for him to offer his help in stabilising my relationship with Lieutenant Uhura.” 

“Don’t tell me you did something stupid.” 

“I am afraid you will need to define exactly what you mean by ‘stupid’ in this context.” 

“Stupid, as in, surpassed the boundaries of friends.” 

Spock paused. 

“Really?” Jim asked incredulously. “You guys – you – did you _kiss_ or something?” 

“You are reacting as if it is not in human nature to do so, captain, and yes.” 

“Spock, this is you and _Bones_ we’re talking about. Last I knew, he was more likely to fight you to the death than kiss you.” 

“That is true.” 

“And now he’s the opposite.” 

“It would seem that way, yes.” 

Kirk leaned on a tree, speechless. He pictured it, then instantly regretted the image, waving a hand in front of his face to try and shoo the disturbing visuals away. Spock regarded him neutrally. Kirk looked up abruptly. 

“What about you?” he asked. 

“What about me, captain?” 

“Well,” Kirk said slowly, retracting his hand from the tree as he remembered the weevils, “do you feel anything for him?” 

Spock tilted his head. “Captain, are you implying that I would knowingly pursue a relationship with Doctor McCoy under the pretence of an experiment?” 

“I mean,” Kirk replied, a hand to his lips, thoughtful, “you and Uhura have broken up, right?” 

“We parted ways amicably.” 

“So you broke up. Which means you don’t have any reason to _not_ want it.” 

“I do not see where this is going,” Spock said, his eyebrows showing a faint frown. 

“What I’m saying, Spock, is over the course of this ‘experiment’, have you also caught feelings?” 

There was a long stretch of silence and then, to Kirk’s astonishment, a _sheepish_ expression crossed the Vulcan’s face. 

“Oh my god. No way.” 

“It had evaded my conscious realisations –”

“He isn’t going to believe this.” 

“Captain, I would ask that you do not inform Doctor McCoy. After all, infatuations can be brief and only result in an exacerbated situation.” 

Kirk opened his mouth to reply but stopped when a distressingly loud cry broke the air. 

“ _Captain!_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kirk's POV comes into this, I hope it isn't confusing. 
> 
> Sorry for not updating in days, I hope you like this newest chapter!


	5. Gravity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The red mineral they were searching for turns out to be far more than just a pretty gem, much to their distress.

__

_“The sweetness of you on my tongue_  
_I breathed you in, you filled my lungs_  
_A bitter taste, surrender waste_  
_Another weakness.”  
_

__

__

____

__

____

Scotty was extremely uncomfortable following Bones. For a starter, the man was hungover, making him even angrier than normal. And secondly, the Spock business was making his mood absolutely foul. 

“Can we no’ go in there?” he asked, seeing Bones heading for a small dark cave. “The normal rule of caves is that you shouldnae go in them.” 

“Scared of some Gliese bears, are you?” Bones asked dryly, refusing to stop. 

“I’m worried aboot going into a strange cave with a half-drunk man,” Scotty muttered, but he had to tail the doctor anyway. 

Inside the cave, it was much colder. The walls glittered a strange blue and when Scotty and Bones looked closer, they realised it was tiny luminescent gems, buried in the cave walls. 

“Fascinating,” Bones muttered, a sarcastic imitation of his current least favourite person. 

“D’you think the mineral’s in here?” Scotty asked, moving away from the walls. There was no visible red glow but the two found that the cave was incredibly deep, stretching down into the earth, as dark as a black hole. 

“Well, that’s reassuring,” Scotty said cheerfully, gazing into the abyss. It was like standing on the precipice of an event horizon. Bones held up a hand, squinting. 

“Look.” 

Scotty inched over. Further down, there was a red glittering shape – no, _multiple_ shapes – on a rock shelf about fifteen metres down. “I’m climbing down.” 

“Are you crazy?” Scotty hissed, grabbing onto the doctor. “You could slip and die! You’re barely sober!” 

“I’ve done worse things drunk,” Bones muttered, brushing him off. “And there’s plenty of ways to climb down.” 

“We need a rope.” 

“You see one lying around?” 

“That is _not_ what I mean –” 

“Too late,” Bones said, starting to descend already. Scotty clutched at his head, panicking as he watched the doctor vanish over the lip of the rockface, heading vertically down. There was a long few minutes of rock scratching sounds and Bones cursing now and again as he almost slipped. 

“Are ye there yet?” Scotty asked, leaning over. Bones had reached the shelf and was staring at the red minerals. 

“Remember, the captain said no’ to touch it!” the engineer called. 

“You think I want to?” Bones shot back, skirting past the chunks of pulsing red rock. His heel scuffed on the face of the cliff and he caught himself against the wall, his hand landing an inch from a flickering red piece. Up at the top, Scotty grabbed his head in panic. 

“Did you touch it?” he whispered urgently. Bones opened his mouth but felt a stinging pain in his neck. He let go of the wall, touching his fingertips to just under his left ear. In the red light, they came away smeared with black. He looked up at Scotty then to his side, where a shard of red mineral – the size of an arrowhead – was sticking out of the wall. 

“Oh, _shit._ ” 

A strange feeling came over Bones, like his stomach was being inverted. He saw something drop – _upwards_ – his blood was bleeding _upwards_. _what the hell is going on?_

The red rocks began to shake and dislodge from the ground, floating upward, rolling like pebbles in a stream. The air seemed to be flowing past him, cold, and Scotty had to cower back to stop the sudden force buffeting him back. 

“What the bloody hell is happening?” he shouted, climbing back up, shielding his face. He couldn’t see Bones, unable to reach the edge of the cliff. 

Then, to Scotty’s disbelieving eyes, the red mineral rocks and Bones came rising up – rising up, like they could _bloody fly_. Scotty was open-mouthed. 

“Don’t tell me that you actually touched it?” he shouted, terrified. Bones was trying to catch onto the cliff but his hands couldn't hold, cut open by the tiny blue gems, sharp as glass. 

“Do you think it was deliberate?” he yelled. 

“How are you even flying?” 

“Something – about gravity – dammit, man, don’t just stand there! If this suddenly reverts, I’m going to fall to my death –” 

“Okay, okay!” 

Scotty began running for the entrance of the cave, grabbing his comm out and trying to reach Kirk. It just crackled uselessly so Scotty had to revert to ancient methods of communication as he reached outside, cupping his hands to his face and screaming, “Captain!” 

__

____

__

Kirk and Spock were running, trying to find the source of Scotty’s voice. He called out again. Kirk tried to comm the engineer but the connection failed. 

“Captain, it seems that this planet is more dangerous than we initially thought,” Spock said helpfully. 

“You think?” Kirk asked. The two burst out of the trees and almost hit Scotty head on. 

“Oh, thank god –” 

“Where is Doctor McCoy?” Spock asked and Scotty stared at him. 

“He’s in the cave, he touched the red stuff –” 

“He _what?_ That’s what I said not to do!” Kirk said, exasperated. 

“I know, I know, come on!” 

The three hurried into the cave and froze when they saw Bones, somehow at the ceiling, as if he was indoor skydiving. 

“Bones, what did you do?” Kirk yelled. 

“It was an accident!” 

“Doctor McCoy, I have not been entirely honest with you –” 

“Now is not the time, Spock!” Kirk said, shooting him a warning look. “We have to get him down somehow.” 

“And how do you propose we do that?” Scotty cried from behind them. “He’s floatin’ off the bloody ground!” 

“Bones, can you use the ceiling to push yourself towards us?” 

“Maybe, but – these damn blue gems are cutting me open, every time –” 

“Maybe is good enough. I need you to try and get above us before gravity shifts again, _if_ it shifts again.” 

They watched as Bones painfully made his way, using the jagged ceiling as his floor, dragging himself closer to them. He was still high, but wasn’t about to fall hundreds of metres to certain death. 

“Now what?” 

Kirk was running out of ideas. He saw the red rocks, knocking at the ceiling near Bones, their light flickering like a heartbeat. 

“Try touching one of the stones!” 

“Are you insane? What if it –” 

“ _Just do it!_ ” 

Bones reached out, stretching to one of the red rocks. The tip of his finger brushed the corner of one. 

It was like a reset button had been pressed. The rocks on the ceiling fell, plummeting down, shattering on the rock shelves down the cliff face, scattering down into the darkness. Falling with them came Bones. 

“Catch him!” Kirk shouted. 

“It is physically impossible due to the height –” Spock began. Kirk couldn’t believe him. Scotty ran to the side and watched with horror as the doctor landed on the ground almost on his feet, crashing down onto his side, striking up stones and dust as he rolled a few metres. 

“Bones – Bones, are you alright?” Kirk was running over, falling to his knees by the doctor, reaching out to turn him over. Bones said something muffled. “I can’t hear you, let me –” 

Kirk carefully rolled him over. Bones looked dazed, his face bruised and his nose bloody. But he wasn’t _dead_. 

“Calm down, Jim, I didn’t fall that far,” he said, pushing himself up onto his elbows. Ribs grinded under his skin and he grabbed his side. “Ah, hell. I think I broke a rib.” 

“How aren’t you dead?” Scotty asked as he approached, incredulous. 

“It was only ten metres, man,” Bones said with a pained grin. “People have survived further.” 

“You landed pretty hard to me,” Kirk said, so relieved he was almost shaking. He wanted to grab the doctor into an embrace but it probably wasn’t the best time. Spock came over, straight-faced. Bones looked up and something bitter crossed his face. 

“What, wish it was worse?” 

“On the contrary –” 

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, by the way. Knew I could count on you –” 

“Doctor, please, if you would listen –” 

“No, I’m done listening to you –” 

Spock knelt by Bones on his other side, opposite Kirk. Bones tried to stand, moving away from him, but Spock caught his arm. 

“Spock,” Kirk said quietly. 

“Doctor McCoy, I have to speak with you.” 

“If this is an apology, thanks, but I want to get back to the Enterprise and fix my damn ribs.” 

Kirk made eye contact with Scotty over Spock’s head. The engineer looked bewildered and Kirk remembered he hadn’t heard any of the revelations. He moved back, standing so he could cross over to Scotty. Spock said something quietly and Bones’s face cleared of all the anger, the blood draining too, as if he had just heard the worst news in the world. _Which_ , Kirk thought, _it probably is._ They shared some quieter words before Bones grabbed Spock’s collar in anger. 

“And you’re telling me this now?” the doctor hissed. 

“Captain,” Scotty said, seeing the smile on Kirk’s face, “do you know what Spock said?” 

“I have no idea, Scotty, but Bones doesn’t seem too happy.” 

“Maybe we should intervene before ... they ...” Scotty trailed off, his eyes drifting from Kirk to the two. “Oh my lord.” 

Kirk looked to where Scotty’s gaze was pointing. His eyebrows raised. Spock was melding with Bones and the doctor was just – quiet, strangely so. 

__

____

__

“Listen to me,” Spock said, his voice enough to make Bones stop, give him his full attention. “I have not been entirely truthful, Leonard.” 

The colour drained from Bones’s face at the sound of his name – not ‘Doctor’ – coming from Spock’s mouth. 

“What is this?” he asked, dread growing. 

“I believe I am experiencing some form of love for you.” 

“And you’re telling me this now?” Bones demanded. He defaulted to anger, a mask to hide the rising turmoil inside him. Spock laid a hand on his face, touching the meld points, carefully enough it could be mistaken for a caress. He closed his eyes and bent his head down. Under his fingers, Bones’s eyes were trying to read the Vulcan’s face. Spock could feel his pulse through the meld, racing, fear in his fluttering heart. 

“You don’t need to be afraid,” he said softly and at his words, he felt the caution running through Bones. _He does not trust me._

Spock opened his eyes, his hand moving down to hold the doctor’s face. A familiar space. He felt Bones’s jaw tense, saw the defences in his eyes crumbling. Bones hated this, hated Spock, because at his touch alone, he was completely at his mercy. 

Bones lifted himself so he was almost sitting, his eyes almost level with the Vulcan’s. Spock’s hand slid down to the side of his neck. 

“I hate you so much,” Bones breathed, staring up at Spock. Truth be told, he was sick with fear, and his front was slipping, and it was so hard for him to deny it. 

_You don’t need to be afraid_ , Spock had said. But he was so, so afraid. 

Spock kissed him then. It made every other moment they had shared meaningless. Bones found himself _lost_. There would never, ever be a way back from this. If it was a game, he had long failed it, but here, he forgot it all. He kissed back with all the anger and hate but – most of all – _hunger_ that he had kept inside. He held onto Spock like he was a lifeline, his parachute, but he was his reason for falling. His head was spinning, worse than when he was blackout drunk. 

It hurt but he took Spock’s face in his hands, wincing into the kiss as his skin burned, but he couldn’t let go, forcing away the guilt that tried to worm its way up. Not now, not when he had everything he wanted. Their lips parted and this time, Bones was the one to pull him back, electricity shooting through him like a chemical reaction. It was a fire he was playing with and he wanted to get burned. 

They broke off when Bones’s ribs grated under his skin as he tried to lean and he groaned in pain, drawing away. 

“We must get Doctor McCoy back to the Enterprise,” Spock said over his shoulder to Kirk, as if nothing had just occurred. 

“Oh, aye, exactly my thoughts,” Scotty said, almost sarcastic, unable to register what he had just witnessed. Kirk bit back a smile – _finally, took them long enough_ – and helped Bones to his feet. 

“Not a word, Jim,” Bones said painfully when Kirk went to comment. 

“I was just going to say that –” 

“Jim. I swear, I will hit you if you keep talking.” 

“You’d make your ribs worse.” 

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take.” 

His arms over Spock and Kirk’s shoulders, Bones was helped from the cave. Their comms weren’t working still. Scotty shook his, as if it would somehow fix it, and it was amusing to see the engineer exhibiting such a layman’s method. 

“Something is blocking it, captain,” he said. “We cannae reach the others to tell them we’re going back.” 

They stopped. Kirk took out his own comm, moving a few paces away to see if it helped. Bones looked at Spock. 

“I can walk on my own. It’s just a couple of busted ribs.” 

“While you are a doctor and I trust your opinion, I do not think you should be left unsupported. The chance of this planet being inhabited is high and –” 

“ _What?_ You’re saying this now?” 

“I did not –” 

Something struck the ground near Scotty’s feet and he leapt back with a startled flail. 

“What is that?” Kirk asked, frowning at the object. 

“Captain, I would advise against approaching it,” Spock said. Bones lifted his arm off. 

“Get over there, he needs you more than me.” 

“Doctor, are you –” 

“ _Yes_ , I’m sure. I’ve broken a rib before.” 

Spock reached Kirk and both stared suspiciously at the item. It was round, metallic-looking, completely smooth. 

“Looks like a damn Pokemon ball,” Kirk muttered. Spock looked at him. 

“A Pokemon ball?” he asked. Kirk waved a hand to dismiss it. He crouched down and reached for the sphere. It was cold under his touch, thrumming strangely. Then it released a red plume of smoke and opened. Tiny red crystals, the size of sand, burst from the open sphere. Kirk scrambled back, barely avoiding them. 

“Those are –” 

From behind them, there came a screech and all four of them spun. A man, wearing a woven suit covering his entire body, was standing at the entrance to the cave. 

“I think those are the inhabitants,” Bones said, staring at him. The strange man drew two more silver spheres from his back and Kirk saw he was ready to throw. 

“Move, move, move!” he yelled and they ran, ducking through the trees, almost blind in the falling darkness. There was a poof and a spray of red crystals dangerously close to his heel and he pushed on faster. Through the trees, Kirk could see Scotty and just behind him, Spock and Bones. 

“Dammit, Jim, why the hell weren’t we prepared for this?” Bones shouted. He was holding his side but keeping up. More shapes moved behind them and more spheres were flying. Kirk looked back just as one hurtled for his head. He automatically caught in in his hands. Scotty stared. 

“Are you _insane?_ ” he shrieked. Kirk wanted to keep the ball, have a closer look at it, but if it was on a timer, he’d jeopardise the entire crew. He looked back and threw the sphere at a man who was mere metres behind him. The red spray enveloped him but the man kept running. 

“The spheres don’t affect them, they’ve covered their skin!” he shouted to the others. 

“Well, we _haven’t_ , so let’s keep running!” Bones shouted back. Kirk pulled out his comm. 

“Kirk to Enterprise, do you read me?” 

It crackled emptily and in his distraction, Kirk tripped. His hands struck the ground, skinning his palms before his head hit down and dirt got in his mouth. It tasted like burned grass. 

“Captain!” Spock said, turning, but Kirk was already on his feet again, brushing dirt off his face as he sprinted to catch up. The four were ahead of the inhabitants, grouped close. 

“I want you guys to know,” Kirk called breathlessly, “that I support you!” 

Bones’s stare was withering as he shouted, “Is this really the time, Jim?” 

They burst into a clearing, the one they had stopped in earlier. Jaylah and Uhura saw the four men and then, close behind, their pursuers. Jaylah ran at them with a yell. Kirk had to quickly rotate his entire body ninety degrees so she wouldn’t crash into him. Uhura covered her, a phaser up. Spock ducked her blasts and reached Bones, wrapping his arm around the doctor, who made a noise of protest.

From Kirk’s comm, Sulu’s voice burst, buzzing like static. 

“Captain?”

“Mr Sulu!” Kirk said, relief flooding through him. “We couldn’t get through –” 

“It’s the Gliese trees, captain, they were blocking our signal, it must be linked with the strange gravitational –” 

“Just tell him to beam us back!” Scotty shrieked.

“Beam us out, Mr Sulu!”

“Roger that, captain.” 

The air began to swirl with loops of glowing yellow and the forest fazed into the interior of the Enterprise.

All six of them were breathless. Kirk looked over to Spock and Bones, saw how the Vulcan was asking him if he was alright, how Bones was trying to brush him off – it was as if nothing had happened. He wondered what would happen with Uhura and Spock. 

“What were they?” Uhura asked, pointing. “What were they throwing?” 

“Throwin’ a ground-up version of the damn mineral we were looking for,” Bones said, wincing as he lowered himself to sit against the wall, holding his ribs. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, fine –” 

“Doctor McCoy made contact with the mineral and it seemed to invert gravity for him,” Spock explained, to Bones’s visible irritation. “Fortunately, we managed to recover him, thanks to the Captain’s quick thinking.” 

“Pshaw,” Kirk said with a smile, but then his eyes met Uhura’s as she looked at him and he felt the secret in the air. It didn’t seem like Bones would ever tell her, and while Spock had a tendency to admit things, even Kirk couldn’t be sure if he would just avoid the truth. He would have to trust himself with the secret, either until they told or it came out. 

“Let’s agree to no’ go back,” Scotty said, watching the planet shrink away outside the window as Sulu guided it away. “I don’t know aboot you, but there seems to be far too much of that red stuff to contain.” 

“I agree,” Kirk said, trying to stop noticing the way Spock’s gaze lingered on Bones when the doctor was looking down, on the way Bones was quietly watching when the Vulcan’s attention was elsewhere. _They aren’t the subtlest._

“Mr Spock, take Doctor McCoy down to the sickbay,” he ordered. He went to add a quip about ‘not spending too long’ but, however cryptic the joke was, it would elicit more questions than laughs. Spock heaved Bones up, who muttered for him to move his hand – “dammit, you just bruised me, I think” – and Kirk watched them go. Uhura departed for the bridge, leaving Scotty with the captain. The engineer couldn’t hold it in anymore. 

“ _Those two?_ ” he exclaimed. “If you excuse me saying, captain, but I cannae believe my eyes.” 

“You know what, Scotty?” Kirk replied, turning to him with a smile. “I think it’s going to work.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has taken ages, I'm sorry! It ends kinda open, tell me if you want a Chapter 6! 
> 
> Thank you for the love as well, I can't believe this has over 400 reads! 
> 
> (Intro lyrics cred. All Time Low, I don't own them)


	6. Tell Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock and Bones decide it's finally time to tell Uhura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has taken 3 weeks I'm so sorry! I hope this final chapter is alright!

__

  
_“Trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backward.” – E.E. Cummings_

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“Spock, we gotta talk.” 

The Vulcan’s hands were clasped behind his back. They were in the sickbay, dark and quiet, and Bones thought of the vast nebula of space glittering only just a wall away. There was a soft light in front of Spock, an orange glow, like a flame. 

“What is it, doctor?” Spock replied levelly. Always in control of his emotions. 

“About Uhura.” 

“What about Lieutenant Uhura?” Spock asked, turning. Only the edge of his face was lit by the light, a thin glowing outline, his eyelashes webbed with light. Bones paused, his heart thumping painfully. _Holy shit._

“I mean,” he continued, clearing his throat, “we have to tell her.” 

Bones had expected him and Spock to become shipwide news, yet they still remained undiscovered. The only sign of knowing was the smile in Kirk’s eyes. It wasn’t like he and Spock were even a ‘thing’. It was unofficial. He and the Vulcan had had only – _well, mostly_ – professional interactions since Gliese, trying to tone it down, since it was harder to find good rendezvous points without – and Bones bristled at the word alone – _rumours_. 

“Tell her?” 

“Come on, man, don’t be difficult. Are we – is this even a thing? A one-off? Because whatever’s going on here, she needs to know. She might be waiting for you to go back to her. And ...” 

He trailed off. _Because you haven’t changed. I’m getting more and more unsure about me, about you, about us. I’m starting to change my mind about pursuing this, despite what I want._

“Doctor?” 

“No, Spock, it’s your turn to talk. I do it too much. It goes both ways, surely. Tell me what you think.” 

Spock turned back to face the light. “If you are asking me whether we should inform Lieutenant Uhura of our relationship then, yes, I agree. If it is the exact nature _of_ our relationship to which you are enquiring, doctor, I am not sure I could offer a definitive answer.” 

“Yeah, me neither,” Bones sighed and he moved closer to the Vulcan, standing next to him. He looked up at Spock, gaze flickering, as if he was doubtful. “Look, I don’t know if we _can_ label it. Or if it’ll ever _be_. But there’s _something_ here even your logical mind can’t deny.” 

Spock said nothing. Bones looked away. He flashed back to the cave, to Spock’s quarters, to rare moments he wasn’t even sure were what he wanted. _No, I do. But ... does Spock? This is far too painful to continue. It’s safer to stay friends, colleagues, whatever we were before._

“Listen,” he said after a long silence, “Spock. Look at me, would you? Okay. Are you having second thoughts?” 

“Are you?” Spock asked and it was almost startling, leaving Bones unable to reply. _Yes. No. Maybe?_

“I don’t ...” he said, sighing again. “Dammit, man, don’t make this all deep. I’m just going to say it. Do we continue this or not?” 

It had been on his mind ever since they got back from Gliese – this doubt, eating away at him, at his resolve and confidence. Bones’s thoughts were an endless flipflop between _yes_ and _no_ , every time the question had come into his head. It was almost harder to ask it aloud, as if he dreaded an answer. Spock was thinking deeply. For a person always in control of his feelings, Leonard McCoy always managed to twist them around and leave him slightly confused. He had felt something strange, something he found hard to name. He had asked himself the first time they had kissed, _what do you call this feeling?_ It had been nothing at first but then it had built up, similar to how he felt for Nyota, and Spock was still wary. He wasn’t afraid like McCoy was. _Just more cautious of unpredictable emotions._

“Yes, we do,” he said, and Bones’s face cleared of its worry. 

“We do?” 

“Yes, doctor. We can continue this. But we must inform Lieutenant Uhura.” 

__

____

__

Uhura had started noticing. She had considered talking to Spock, resolving their differences, but now he spent all his time with Bones. Not the clique that was Spock, Bones and Kirk – just the two of them. She felt the beginnings of suspicion but stayed quiet. The truth would reveal itself, eventually. 

She looked up as her door hissed open. 

“Spock,” she said, standing and offering a faint smile. “I wanted to talk to you, come in.” 

The Vulcan entered, clasping his hands behind his back, a picture of self-control she found both endearing and insufferable. Yet, for all his composure, Spock seemed ... uncertain. 

“I haven’t seen you in a while, and you rarely come here. What is it?” she asked. 

“I, too, have been meaning to speak to you, Nyota,” Spock replied. “It involves –” 

“You and McCoy?” she interrupted, and he frowned. 

“... Yes. How did you ...?” 

“I can be observant, Spock,” she said, with an almost sad smile. “Would I be right in assuming you two have something going on?” 

“... You would.” 

“And also in assuming the captain knows? He’s been eyeing you two all week.” 

“Yes, that is also correct.” 

When she didn’t respond, he said, “if you do not mind my inquiry, Nyota ... you do not seem affected by this news.” 

“I could sort of already see it,” she said with a sigh. “I knew we weren’t really going to work out.” 

She touched her vokaya amulet as she turned to face him. “Just promise me one thing, Spock.” 

“Anything,” he answered, soft eyes finding hers, and she felt a pang of love for him. 

“Make sure you appreciate him,” she said, and when a flicker of guilt – just a trace – crossed his face, she added, “you have to show it. He probably cares more than he shows.” 

“Understood.” 

They stood in quiet for a while. He was unreadable. Uhura was thinking back on their relationship. It had been a sweet yet strange time. Maybe due to his Vulcan nature, maybe just a lack of ... _communication, understanding, connection?_ She still felt a fondness for him, regardless. 

“Well, thanks for letting me know,” she smiled, partly as a dismissal but also to break the silence. He nodded, turning to leave. She watched him go, feeling an odd empty ache but also a strange happiness. 

__

____

__

Spock returned to sickbay. The door hissed open, the only sound in the silence. He saw Leonard McCoy, pacing. The man stopped when he entered. 

“How did it go?” he asked. He sounded almost worried. 

“She was exceptionally understanding,” Spock replied. His mind went back to his promise and, as he scanned McCoy’s face, Spock realised that while his emotions would never run as deep as a human’s, he could see it in the doctor – that painful denial of love, then the slow process of coming to terms with it. He had to handle this carefully, this ... relationship. It was an odd word to even think when looking at Leonard McCoy, of all people. 

“That’s a relief,” Bones said. He seemed deep in thought. 

“You seem hesitant, doctor.” 

Bones left his thoughts and came back to the real world. For a second, he forgot to breathe, face to face with Spock. _Dammit, how the hell does he still get me so much –_

“If you are still afraid –” 

“I’m not afraid, Spock, you just sneak up on me –” 

“Leonard,” Spock said, and there it was again, that flood of automatic dread at what the Vulcan was about to say. Spock took Bones’s hand carefully, in a way that Bones didn’t understand but knew was strangely affectionate. His mouth dried up as his words left him. He was lost on any sort of reply. 

“If you are wishing for this to not continue –” 

“Dammit, Spock, I never said that. I want this to work. I just ...” 

Bones trailed off. He looked at their hands. “I never thought this would happen.” 

“Doctor?” 

“I never thought about ... having any damn kind of relationship, what with our five-year mission and constant danger Jim’s putting us in. And I sure as hell never even considered it would be you.” 

Spock frowned. “I am not sure I follow you, doctor.” 

“What I’m trying to say, Spock, is –” he paused, loosening his hands from the Vulcan’s. “Forget it, I just keep second-guessing myself.” 

“You do not need to,” Spock said, stopping as Bones kissed him. In the dark, they were a shadow together. _This is what I want._

“I was wondering where you two were.” 

Bones pulled away from Spock, startled at Kirk’s sudden voice. 

“Dammit, Jim, did you really have to come in now?” he asked, before batting at Spock. “Let go of me already.” 

Kirk approached them with a grin, drawing out a bottle he had been holding behind his back. 

“A toast,” 

“A toast for what occasion, captain?” Spock asked, frowning a fraction. Kirk raised the bottle. 

“A toast ... to you two.”


End file.
